Memoirs of an Empty Nester 10

The end of the rope does exist, and mother daughter relationships don’t always go well. I have two daughters who were born seven years apart. They look like two peas in a pod, but they are as different as night and day. My youngest daughter is so thoughtful, and caring towards me. We hang out together from time to time and we have a wonderful relationship whether we are in a movie theater, a grocery store, or on the couch watching television. I’ve said before that I had my first daughter outside of marriage and I wanted a child for all the wrong reasons. I was looking for love and I thought I could create my own family that would love me. That was a big mistake, because love is found only in oneself. I can experience God’s love for me, I can have love for myself, or I can receive from, or extend love toward someone else. But, the love is all my inward conviction and experience, and if I don’t begin with a good inward experience with love, then I become somewhat of a burden in a relationship. My daughter has become a burden on my emotions, which is sad because we use to be buddies attached at the hip…and then she turn teenager and everything changed. And now we just do not get along, and I realize that I don’t have to take mistreatment from her anymore. This toxic relationship is really draining me. I wish I could get to the bottom of her issue with me, but I have not been able to figure things out and at this point I don’t really want to. She doesn’t like me and I don’t care for her treatment of me. So enough is enough its time to stop answering the telephone. She is the child that I wanted to have so that I could have somebody to love and love me. It’s a hard lesson to learn when you invest so much into another human being only to come up empty. I still have love for her, just from a distance…a long distance, yeah that’ll work.

Today, is July 10, 2010, and I still am feeling that distancing myself from my daughter is best, not out of anger but out of a right to free myself from negativity. I forgive her and I pray that she can forgive me.  I can love my daughter and move on too.

A Twist of KATE…

I am not against Kate Gosselin by any means in fact, I believe I understand, and can even identify with some aspects of her life, but I never did like the way she emasculated Jon before millions of people peering into their lifestyle. And even now, I feel that Kate always presents herself as a doting mother, yet I’ve sensed that underneath it all, that is not her true persona. Not to say she is not a loving mother, it’s that “I do everything for my children” mantra, it’s tired, frayed, and seems untrue. I read an article in The National Ledger that exposed what I thought about Kate for some time. According to Kate’s friend, Kate’s life with her children is “boring to Kate.” The friend said that when Kate burst into tears when she was booted from DWTS, she was crying because she had to go back to her “humdrum life.” Certainly, all of us women can identify with  that, and probably some men as well. However, even though Kate is doing what she does “for the children,” I sense that she very much wants to be in the limelight of celebrity, and she wants all the perks. When she leaves her home, she leads a fairytale life, and is anything wrong with that, not at all. Kate’s friend also said that even though Kate complained about it, she loved commuting back and forth to Hollywood. Kate wants to be a SUPERSTAR. We all know she has to earn money to support her and her family, but I’m just saying, be honest, she enjoys the lifestyle. She doesn’t have any talent, but she doesn’t need any, look at Heidi and Spencer. Kate just needs to look good, and keep hanging around those children.

Memoirs of An Empty Nestor pt. 8

HOME ALONE YIPPEEEEEE!

I have been mothering since the age of TWENTY-FOUR. And I am still mothering just from a distance, but as any mother will know that once a mother always a mother. I want the best for my daughters, and I want them to make the right choices, right? But today, DECEMBER 17, 2009, I don’t have to mother ANYBODY. BECAUSE ALL OF MY CHILDREN WENT OUT OF TOWN. For the first time in my life, for real, I can just about do what I want to do. It is just me. This is so weird and exhilarating. My little munchkin isnt calling mom mom every 5 seconds, I’m not cooking breakfast for anyone. I don’t have to duck hormone imbalances. I don’t have to be a rutter for anyone’s ship. I don’t have to be a sounding board. I want to see how long I last before I miss all of this and begin to drop tears. Never!!!! I refuse to miss them and cry…stay tuned!!!!!!

 I have decided to return to school and get a masters in education. I’m nervous about that but, I figure, this is a dream and you only live once. I’ve got to face the fear and go forward. If I keep going forward, the UNIVERSE will rise to fulfill my destiny. I love it…life is great, AMEN.

Memoirs of an Empty Nester!! pt5

I can go a good length of time without talking to my youngest daughter, who is now a college student.  She is at a local college, so I can go to the campus if I have to.  But I don’t really want to do that because she is taking care of her responsibilities as a student. Yet, the apron strings and my heart strings are not completely severed, she is still my baby, and with all that is going on in campus news right now, I want to hear from her. I miss her.