Memoirs of an Empty Nester-9

Usually when people are fortunate enough to reach my age…they would have passed through familiar milestones. They would have acquired some money and toys, perhaps property and warm, fuzzy life memories. Surely, children and grandchildren, daughters-in-laws and son-in-laws. But that has not been my experience. I do have two daughters that I love and am proud of, and thank God for each day. I also have a granddaughter that is absolutely precious. Yet in this moment, I have siblings that I don’t communicate with much. I don’t have people in my life that I can really call friends. I don’t have an accumulation of money or valuables. In fact, I believe my finances are at the same level that they were thirty years ago. My growing up memories are all in my head because I don’t have any mementos. I enjoy the company of people, however in small doses, because the conversation usually drifts into the unimportant or the selfish and self-centered. Interesting to me is this, because of our economic crisis, there are many more people experiencing this kind of existence, due to loss.  There are a lot of alone people in the world. People who have lost loved ones too soon. People who have had to move to new cities because of loss of income or property in a catastrophe. So what do I do with this knowledge and reality. First, I understand that I can’t impose the expectations of the world upon my life’s course. Because if I don’t meet the expectations of society that they will reject me. If I meet the expectations of society and am successful according to the worlds standards, then the world will want to know my name and then siphon my goods.  We see it all around us, the entrapment of success. Instead, I believe that the overall course of my life has been ordered by the Lord, minus the poor decisions of course. Second, I want to express my gratitude to the Lord for governing my life, all of my life. Actually, that is a life lesson, I choose to be  grateful for LIFE, it is precious, and it affords me the opportunity to give and love, learn, grow and create change for the better. True happiness rests in who God says that I am through his word. Real love and total acceptance comes from God, who knows all there is to know about me, and still loves me enough to have given his life as a ransom for mine. Mementos will be forgotten, people will unfortunately pass away, and relationships will end, but when the dust settles what am I left with? In my case, I am left with my relationship with God, which is eternal. And for the first time in my life I am really focusing on HIM and HIS will for me. I am grateful for this time of deep meditation and reflection, and I daily make a conscious decision to live my life according to God’s will, and I am becoming a better person for it. This is an absolute walk of FAITH, and I have been fearful. This is a walk of FAITH, and I have shed many tears. But I am standing on God’s Word and Trusting him, and I see change coming…♥

Memoirs of An Empty Nester pt.7

I am getting to a place in my life where I am happy I’m alive, not just oblivious to death, but aware of the shadow of death, and yet determined to live and be happy, grateful in fact, to do so. Self-love and self-acceptance has such a warm and welcoming feeling, even cozy is descriptive of what I feel. Why couldn’t these feelings have filled my soul in my youth, during the times when my self-worth and self-esteem was too tied up in what other people thought of me. When the opinions of others determined what I thought of myself. What my family and friends think of me is important. I want to be perceived as a compassionate human being. But the opinions of others don’t dictate what I feel about myself, and I like the person that I am becoming. I look forward to the next step in my growth. I love this feeling, because I am in a wonderful place, wow, it is hard to explain. But I am in a place of peace, a place wherein I don’t have to struggle, if I don’t want to really. I am in the place where I will see the goodness of God, if I stay focused on The Lord Jesus Christ, and stay focused on faith in His Cross and what He won for me thereby. I am in my promised land, my wealthy place, I simply must overtake the giants, just like the children of Israel. What an awesome, faithful God I serve. To be continued…

The Righteous Choice to Operate in Spirit, pt8

My quest to pursue Spirit, and live a life on point with the kind of life that God has prepared for me, has been a journey of destruction and rebuilding. Revisiting the past and confronting it and dethroning the power of the hurt from days gone by. Things said and done, doors opened, evil unleashed, a life thrown into turmoil, has now worked a far better glory in my life.  What gave me the power to do that?  The love of God did.  Knowing that I can trust God’s love for me, gave me courage to revisit those places of pain to tell them that they will no longer have power nor place in my life. The hurt has been replaced with the love of God. Love for Him and love for me, now love for others. God’s love is filling up the empty places in me.  God’s acceptance is filling up the deep places of need in me.  God’s peace is overshadowing me, and I trust Him. My wings are unfolding, wide they want to spread, I’m about to soar in the freedom that only the Master can give. Is that destiny that I’m tasting…

The Righteous Choice to Operate in Spirit!! pt2

Okay, I have been endeavoring to operate in Spirit. So I have been attending prayer meetings at my church for at least 4 weeks now, and I have been having prophetic dreams and visions like you would not believe. God has been speaking to my spirit, He has even given me a glimpse of some wonderful future events in my life. Have you ever noticed that there are times when God doesn’t address situations that are causing you anquish. I am feeling very hopeful today. I am feeling anticipatory. My self esteem is doing better, Let’s see what happens in the days ahead.

The Righteous Choice to Think Highly of Myself Pt4

Because I want to pursue SPIRIT, and I am not all together sure that I know exactly how to undertake the journey; I asked God to show me how to pursue HIM the way HE wants to be pursued by me. Well a light bulb went off today! What exactly am I doing during the times that I am feeling God’s presence the most. I feel God’s presence the most when I am reading HIS WORD. I feel God’s presence the most when I am writing on my websites. I feel God’s presence the most when I am praising God and worshipping God in my private devotions. I feel God’s presence the most when I am teaching.

If I pursue God through these avenues, the WORD of God, writing, praise and worship and teaching, then I will be in hot pursuit of SPIRIT the way God wants ME to pursue Him. I will experience the blessings of God in every area of my life as I walk in the principles of HIS Word, and speak HIS Word in every area of my life. I expect then to have success by God’s standards and thats all that matters. Okay, so I am going to pursue these avenues and see what happens, I’m already feeling very hopeful, and excited even now.

The Righteous Choice to Think Highly Of Myself Pt.2

In America we have symbols that are considered markers of success. Having wealth, real estate, fame, political prowess, and if the prowess is generational, thats even better; good looks, successful children, an ivy league education and luxurious toys. If these things are indeed true measurements of success, then I am very unsuccessful. So as one who is on a quest to think more highly of myself, I must be able to look at my reality. And make peace with the fact that I am not successful by the world’s standards, nor heaven’s standard. I’m blessed but not as blessed as I could be. Because God is a blesser, and he has blessed me, but I believe that there is more that God wants to pour out on my life, and not just money either.

The Bible says in 1Ti 6:6 KJV – But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1Timothy 6:7 KJV – For we brought nothing into [this] world, [and it is] certain we can carry nothing out. 1Timothy 6:8 KJV – And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. This passage of scripture says that to have godliness with contentment is great gain. Contentment is to have food and clothing. So, if I practice godliness and have my food and clothing needs met, then that should be the core of my contentment in this world. Because it is futile to pursue riches because we brought nothing into this world and we will surely take nothing out of this life. So if I practice godliness and have my two basic needs of living met, then I will have the best of both worlds, heaven and earth. I understand food and clothing including the covering of a roof over my head, but what is godliness all about?

As I read further down the chapter, in which Paul is speaking to Pastor Timothy, I came to the place where Paul begins to explain what is meant by the term godliness. In verse 11, Paul says that Timothy should pursue righteousness (right standing with God and true goodness), godliness (which is the loving fear of God and being Christlike), faith, love, steadfastness (patience), and gentleness of heart. Okay so now I see what I should wholeheartedly pursue: right standing with God,true goodness, loving reverence of God, being Christlike, faith, love, patience, and gentleness of heart. Okay, now right standing with God=salvation. True goodness=the fruit of God’s Spirit. Godliness=my behavior which is governed by the loving reverence of God which comes by KNOWLEDGE. Christlikeness=the mind of Christ which is the Word of God. Faith, love, patience, and gentleness of heart=the fruit of the Spirit. Let me break it down a little further. I must wholeheartedly pursue salvation, fruit of the Spirit, and knowledge of God’s Word, in short I must pursue SPIRIT.

As I contemplate this, I realize that self esteem has nothing to do with this process. Self-esteem is connected to ego. Spirit has everything to do with making a sound choice. I must choose to pursue the worlds symbols of success or I must choose to be content with godliness, food and covering and pursue Spirit, while leaving EGO out of it. But what about all of my needs? Paul goes on to say in verse 17 of chapter 6 telling Pastor Timothy to charge the rich to pursue God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. God will supply me and my family with all things to enjoy when I am grateful for having my need of food and covering met, and I pursue Spirit. It is God’s responsibility to provide what I need. My job is to pursue the will of the Spirit.

The Righteous Choice to Think Highly of Myself

The Bible says in Rom 12:3 KJV – For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. I think it further elaborates in Rom 12:16 KJV – [Be] of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

These scriptures were spoken in the context of being one with fellow believers. As I understand these scriptures, I am to think humbly of myself and not have an exaggerated opinion of who I am or my abilities. But to be a team player and think of the good of others in general and my other team players, or believers in particular.

But, there is an additional challenge in this particular chapter of Romans, and that is I should not think more highly of myself than I ought to. So there is a degree to which I should think highly of myself, and therein lies the challenge; how to get to a place where I can think highly of myself without being egotistical or narcissistic. I truly believe that the key is to realize that I can think highly of myself in the context of being empowered, gifted, and sanctified by God’s love. Because within that context, greatness or goodness is never really about me, but about God and me together, working as a team. When I think of the challenge in this way, thinking highly of myself and having self esteem becomes reachable, Thank God!

Seeing Myself Through My Own Eyes

(this photo captures the emotion of the journey of which I speak)

The journey of self-acceptance can be a long and tedious journey of two steps forward and 10 steps backward. But I deeply believe that the process of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-expression is well worth the venture. I began this journey being lead by the eyes of God. Psa 32:8 KJV – I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. I began to see situations and people the way God sees situations and people. And my perceptions began to change and my temperment has exhibited change as well. The more time that I spend in the word of the Lord, the more change becomes possible, only if I continue in the word. If I stop, the anointing for change and growth seems to abate. So guickly I must return and again I feel increase.

Coming to a place of self-acceptance, required looking at myself just as I am, raw. It required changing the way I think about me, others and my circumstance in life. It requires that I change old habits. It requires that I look back over my past and forgive all that harmed me in anyway. It requires me to look at my past and forgive myself for all the unkind things that I have done, and that was the hardest part, forgiving myself. The marvelous thing is that at this point I believe that the work of preparing me, the foundation, the soil, has been done, and now it is time to go forward and build the best phase of life that God has for me to live, using the talent and capabilities that God has placed in my spirit.

What a journey of TEARS, FEARS, and wrestling with my personal demons. What a journey of peace, joy, discovery and growth. But, now the hard work really begins because I have to walk in what I have learned, and I have to do battle with some Giants in my life by applying the principles that I have learned. I see a new me on the inside, I see myself through the eyes of the spirit, and I like what I see, but the new internal me, must now become the external ME! So I will keep you posted on the new battle, application of the principles of God’s word to the pulling down of strongholds in my life once and for all. It’s full steam ahead now!

Seeing Myself Through The Eyes of Others!!

I am writing this after some introspection, people tend to form an opinion of themselves based on what they hear from other people, loved ones in particular. People tend to grow up motivated or debilitated by what others have put in their spirits by word or deed. As a result, some of us grow up with healthy self-esteem and the rest of us don’t.  And those of us who don’t have the healthy self image have to spend sometimes a lifetime trying to get a grip, or trying to “get over it.” What I have found out, is that not everyone judges you harshly based on your outer appearance.  Everyone has their own physical preferences when it comes to potential partners, but every aspect of daily life is not about sexual preferences. Do we as humans conduct all business out of the bedroom?